listen up

i can take criticism. do i like it? no, not at all. not even a little.
But can i take it? YES. yes.

I will say right off the bat that i have been very fortunate with my writing in that in the workshops i have taken over the past eight years (both in college and out), i have received mostly positive feedback. But that does not mean that i am a stranger to hearing that my ideas, paragraphs, sentences and words suck. i have heard it all but i have heard enough good responses and more importantly, i have enough faith in myself and in my writing to recover when i hear that something i have written is crap.

Over the past few weeks, i have spent many an hour writing a 2 page personal statement for my class. the statement is meant to be a sort of creative resume, hitting the following points: your history as a writer, what you do now, your workshop experience, your writing plans and why you want to go to said particular school. i will be the first to admit that i thought it was nothing short of a stroke of genius that i decided to write the statement as a letter from my wonderful mother to the application reader. I labored over this two page piece but had an awesome time writing it and when i was finished, i thought it was pretty darn clever. i sent it off to my parents so that they could gush over just how fabulous i was and i had M. read it so he too could rejoice in his wife's creative brilliance. Um, things did not go as planned. Doug and Riv were downright disappointed in it and M. didn't crack a smile while reading it (and i thought it was freakin hilarious). We workshopped it in class last night and though my teacher and classmates didn't think it sucked as much as my loving family did, they agreed that it was not the right direction to go in. What did i learn? That sometimes i write in a bubble. This is not news to me. What else did i learn? That i still think it's awesome. Truth. I can't help it! It's a matter of personal opinion but i like it. And come on, i so rarely admit that i like something that i have create, let me have this one. That's not to say that this is what i will submit. In fact, i will most definitely not be submitting this.

And with much seriousness, thank you mom, dad and M. for your honest responses and critiques. I so value that you were truthful with me. It helps reinforce the times when you truly think i'm awesome. And those times so outweigh the instances when you think i'm a talentless fool :)

The statement is below for your enjoyment or more likely, your dislike:

Dear Application Person,

Tell me this: Have you ever eaten lean pastrami on rye? If so, I trust that you know a good thing when you see it; you know when two things just go together, when they were meant to be, like my daughter and your MFA program. Besides being beautiful with that dark hair of hers (which she gets from me), she is quite the writer. Ever when she was just a little maidela, writing away in that diary, she could make me cry.

I always knew she would write a book (mother’s intuition) but I think what she needs is time away from that busy working world to get down to business. Not to say that she hasn’t been working hard. She was a publicity person for [removed] and now she is a do-gooder, managing a grassroots fundraising thing at [removed]. [FUNNY LINE removed]. All of her jobs have involved lots of writing but not the good kind, you know?


You’d think all that would be enough to keep my girl busy, that, and looking for a husband, but no! She has kept up her writing, taking a continuing education class at NYU. And she did something on the internet – two Memoir courses with [removed]. Can you believe technology? A whole class where they never see each other’s faces! But I knew she was serious when she signed up to take an [removed] with [removed.] It's in the middle of Brooklyn for God sakes. I suppose there are lots of creative types there, that's good for her. She's always been so filled with ideas and opinions. Probably gets that from me too.


She’s been talking about getting her MFA since she graduated from [removed. She studied Creative Writing with the poet [removed].Did you know that woman won a Pulitzer Prize? It’s kind of like my daughter won that award once removed, don’t you think?


Anyways, lucky for you, she has spoken so highly of your program. She wants to be a teacher and I can’t think of anyone better for the job; she gets so excited about writing and talking about writing. Between you and me, I hope she gets cracking on giving me grandbabies but for now, I’d be proud to have a professor in the family. Sure, I have a son who is a doctor but a teacher is a close second. She tells me your program offers 33 Teaching Assistantships, “32 after you get in,” I remind her.


And can I tell you what she is working on now? A memoir about her relationship with my dear parents, who, may they rest in peace, survived the Holocaust. Oh, and there’s a bit in there about how she married a gentile. This is going to be her book, she has already started it, but she knows that what she really needs is the feedback and guidance from those other smart kids who go to your school and that distinguished faculty of yours.

One last thing, please don't tell her I wrote you. She hates when I brag.

Crossing my fingers,

riv