realigning

Once, a few years ago, I took an intensive yoga class. Before the class even began, the teacher, whose tiny frame was all muscle, asked me to stand up tall and align my body and my gaze so that all of me was focused straight ahead and centered. Right away, she noticed that my body and my line of sight was angled to the right and downwards. She kneaded my shoulder back, tilted my head and turned my hips. All of a sudden my perspective was shifted. It became clear that my body's natural inclination was to twist to the right and hang my head just so I could see what was below me but never above me or to the left of me. Even in those few moments after she had realigned me, she watched as i slowly unraveled and fell back into what i knew to be centered -- gravitating towards my old stance and gaze, shifting my weight, completely off balance. It would take practice, constant tweaks and mental reminders for me to recognize this position as where I should be. Why? For a few reasons: for my balance, for aches and pains, for other helpful physical reasons and though it was natural to favor my right side as a righty, it's best not to overwork one side over the other. All those reasons were less important to me than the last thought the teacher shared with me. In always aiming my eyes downwards, I was never looking forward, never seeing what was to come, never moving towards the future. This struck me, mainly because it was so true of my mind set: I'm always thinking that I should have done better in the past or wow, I did do better compared to now. 

It's been awhile since I took that class and more often that not, my body does its own thing. A few times a month though, I remind myself to straighten up, no really, I think, straighten up, find the real center and not the one I've created for myself that's slightly off course. Whenever I do make this shift, yes, my whole body feels different, my weight is transferred, but even more noticeable is that it seems my eyes have been given a greater function, a mobility to move into a place they've never occupied. I realize how much I have been missing - skies and sky lines; the sun and open space. I can see past the crowds of people to the layout of the trees, the buildings, the streets. It's as if finally, even if only for a few minutes, I look ahead toward where I want to go.