new year's eve eve.

i don't know anyone who loves new year's eve. maybe it's the crowd i run with or maybe, no one is really into it all. don't get me wrong, i love the start of a new year, a clean slate, a chance to begin again and reinvent yourself or just an aspect of your life and i think most people feel that way too but really who loves new year's eve? I suppose they fall into a few categories: those who don't mind throwing up on new year's day, those who welcome any foreign tongue into their mouths at midnight, those who enjoy drunken crowds and throw up in the street and those who like to spent $$ on a party at a packed bar with sweaty strangers. of course there are a few that genuinely enjoy the debauchery - i envy that ability, to let loose and let new year's eve have it's way with you but it's just not for me.
do i sound bitter? i truly don't mean to. I've had fairly good experiences in the past, when i did make the leap and do something celebratory on nye. there were the new year's eves i spent in Montreal with 25 of my high school girlfriends packed into one motel room, enjoying canada's friendly 18 and up drinking policy. there were the house parties with lots of beer and the awkward but exciting panic of who am i going to kiss when that damn ball drops? and then there were the quiet evenings at home with a home cooked meal, wine, a good movie and cheers heard out on the street. and for me, that seems to be the way to go. so this year, as i prefer, i have no big plans. We'll open a bottle of prosecco, a gift from some dear friends and drink from our new champagne glasses, a gift from more dear friends and we'll toast to these loved ones in our lives and for each other. I may even feed M.
i don't want to ignore the rolling in of a new year. I want to celebrate and observe it, thinking about how good the past year has been to me and how i will live the best life i can in the year ahead. i will be grateful.
As far as resolutions, i'm done with the concrete "i won't bite my nails" or the definitive "no more buying expensive cups of coffee." Instead, like last year and the year before, i just want to be better - not at one thing but overall. and that's not because i think i'm bad. i don't think that. it's because for me, there is always room to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better wife and most importantly, just a better me - for me. i want to push myself to be all the things i think about but don't always follow through with, i want to look back on the eve of 2010 and know that i tried, that i challenged myself and didn't make excuses for myself when life felt uncomfortable - i want to be the best person i'm capable of being in the next 12 months. If i stop biting my nails along the way, that's a perk. Forget giving up the coffee.