I'm a crazy dog lady and I'm not especially proud of it.

"Hello. I just got a bath. My sister is having a little soiree this weekend and mom said I could only come if I had a bath so dad threw me in the tub and soaped me up good. Now I don't smell like dirty socks, the backyard or nachos, it sucks but having a social life comes at a price and this time I had to pay it. If you are lucky enough to meet me at the party (I'll be very busy making my rounds and shmoozing with the guests), please don't feed me chocolate. Though you'll have trouble resisting my adorable begging, I have a delicate palate and ask that you only slip me such fine baked goods as coffee cake, vanilla cupcakes and sweets of this sort. Also, do not insult me by even trying to serve me pinot! I will not drink pinot! I drink only the finest water from the bathroom tap. Can't wait to meet y'all, get fur on your black pants and lick your buttery fingers!"