The Dana Whisperer

It's likely that if you read this little blog you've also seen at least one episode of The Dog Whisperer. I think I need one of these. In human terms, dog whisper = therapist but what I really want is Caesar Milan to work with me and adjust my bad habits.

If you've spent more than 30 seconds in a room with me you know that I bite my nails incessantly. Actually, to be honest and graphic, I bite my cuticles. It's a habit that my loved ones disdain and for as long as I can remember, they've been slapping my hand out of my mouth. It drives everyone crazy except for me. I happen to enjoy it.

That being said, I can't stop. Why do I want to stop if I enjoy it? Well, because I'm vain and my hands are looking creepy and also, I don't like being slapped.

No matter how hard I try, what resolutions I make, or how many manicures I get, the fingers end up in the mouth. Filthy, I know.

I'm reminded of The Dog Whisperer's pupils: the ones that chase their tails in circle, over and over and over again. They can't stop. It drives their owners crazy and all the other doggies look at them, embarrassed that their kind would stoop so low.

So what does Caesar do? He takes the dog on a walk with a back pack strapped on like a harness so that the pooch feels a sense of purpose. He flips the dog over on his back and holds him still so that he learns who is owner and who is pet.

I'm not exactly sure how this applies to me but I do think I could use a back pack and a good flipping.