Money in the Hole

For those of you who don't know, i have a potty mouth. no, i don't mean i swear like a pirate, even though i do, in front of my mother (for shame), what i mean is my mouth is an actual shit hole.
yes, ever since i can rememeber, trips to the dentist for a check-up have ended in more trips to the dentist to remedy the latest findings. I have spent more time in the dentist chair than I would like to admit and I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in dentists. yes, that's dentistS. i am a self admitted dentist hopper. For the amount of time these "doctors" spend with their hands in my mouth, they are bound to slip up or piss me off and when they do, on to the next!
Currently, i am seeing what i call a very "new york dentist." It's not that he has a thick accent or a mop of slicked back hair but he seems like a character from a Woody Allen movie. On my first visit to him, i had an "entry interview." yes.
As he sat with clipboard in hand, he ran down a list of questions, some were as expected: what medications are you allergic to? Do you have any pain in your mouth? (YES I DO, EVERYWHERE AND THIS HURTS MY HEART TOO) while others, not so much:
"As a child, did you feel guilty when you were told you had a cavity?"
When i responded, "i guess." He circle a sad face.
Grinning at me, he closed the question session with this:
"And are these the teeth you'd like to keep for life?"
"I hadn't thought of any other options."
"Ok, then, we'll see what we can do!" he said, beaming.
Now, it's true, it may have been wise to run away and never return at that point but i liked his psychoanalysis-dental approach and i couldn't resist a two for the price of one: therapy and dentistry, what a treat.
You know what's not so treat like? The root canal I have schedule on Friday.
Also, apparently they don't sedate during this procedure. They just use Novocaine.
Let's examine the Latin root of NOVAcaine: NOVice, people who are NEW to pain, who are inexperienced in the world of dental procedures.

If you, or someone you know has access to painkillers, you may contact me through this blogging system. Your identity, like mine, will remain confidential, unless you want credit (a blog shout-out), in which case, i'd be happy to provide you with the appropriate byline.

**NOTE*** this is a genetic disorder not a personal hygiene problem.