A few nights ago, i entered a whole new realm of NYC life. A swanky magazine party invitation was forwarded to me and i was asked to attend on behalf of my department. The problems with these events are as follows:
-the invitation only admits one
-the event requires schmoozing beyond my comprehension of schmoozing
-no matter how late i show up, i am always the first one there
-there is an open bar
you may be thinking, what's bad about an open bar? nothing, per se, if you enjoy guzzling free liquor by yourself before it's dark outside. this recreational activity is not for me so it is always a lonely night.
So the other night, as per my usual routine at these shindigs, i order a diet coke, not because i'm thirsty but because it's free and if it's free, it's for me. I'm wearing a black wrap dress from a credible retailer but as i saunter around the party, sippin on my diet coke, i realize i am the most homely dressed here. everyone is wearing fancy shmancy cocktail dresses. these girls weight 95 lbs soaking wet and i realize why when i look around for a man with pigs in a blanket and he's nowhere to be found. these chicks go to parties like this every night and the only thing that's served is in liquid form. most of it is the kind of liquid that you remember going in but not coming out, if you know what i mean. While the party lacks folks handing out whore derves, the joint is flooded with startling good looking young men, dressed as cabana boys, each holding a tray of cocktails. Let me just say that these men are so attractive that i actually don't even find them attractive. you know the type. ok, you don't but this is a good thing because i'm sure they don't fancy me and it's not just because of the wrap dress.
14 minutes and two diet cokes later, i made my exit.
-the invitation only admits one
-the event requires schmoozing beyond my comprehension of schmoozing
-no matter how late i show up, i am always the first one there
-there is an open bar
you may be thinking, what's bad about an open bar? nothing, per se, if you enjoy guzzling free liquor by yourself before it's dark outside. this recreational activity is not for me so it is always a lonely night.
So the other night, as per my usual routine at these shindigs, i order a diet coke, not because i'm thirsty but because it's free and if it's free, it's for me. I'm wearing a black wrap dress from a credible retailer but as i saunter around the party, sippin on my diet coke, i realize i am the most homely dressed here. everyone is wearing fancy shmancy cocktail dresses. these girls weight 95 lbs soaking wet and i realize why when i look around for a man with pigs in a blanket and he's nowhere to be found. these chicks go to parties like this every night and the only thing that's served is in liquid form. most of it is the kind of liquid that you remember going in but not coming out, if you know what i mean. While the party lacks folks handing out whore derves, the joint is flooded with startling good looking young men, dressed as cabana boys, each holding a tray of cocktails. Let me just say that these men are so attractive that i actually don't even find them attractive. you know the type. ok, you don't but this is a good thing because i'm sure they don't fancy me and it's not just because of the wrap dress.
14 minutes and two diet cokes later, i made my exit.
Can a cabana boy name every venue the rat pack played between 1961 and 1964... no, they freakin can't... stupid cabana boys
ReplyDelete