a sermon of sorts (not to be performed in any house of worship)

As passover approaches, we, as jews, look to times past and remember when we as a people, and as individuals, were less fortunate. For this, i cannot help but think back to a particularly awkward blind date with a young man who shall remain nameless, mainly because i cannot remember his name. While at school in Atlanta, a thoughtful blond acquaintance decided it was a lovely idea to set up the two jews she had in common. Had it not been the week before passover, i might have turned the idea down but i figured with such a significant jewish holiday on the way, we would have plenty to talk about, thus decreasing the chances of me wanting to gouge my eyeballs out during the awkward silences. As I got ready for the date, i excitedly thought about the bond we would share as we both rolled our eyes over the inevitable doom that approached us, matzoh for days to come and not a single bowel movement. Maybe we would fall in love when we discovered that neither one of us could stand the sight/smell of gefilte fish. Together, we would ask "what exactly IS gefilte fish?" One of us would surely joke that a gefilte was an actual species, swimming happily upstream in the long island sound. And if everything continued in this wonderful way, oh, how i would woo him with my mom's recipe for matzoh butter crunch. Together, we would shake our heads in disbelief: forty days in the desert, can you believe it? We came from the same good stock! It was meant to be.
Even when he pulled up to my house in a white pick up truck, i was still hopeful that me, this yankee jew from westchester and him, this hillbilly jew from Savannah were meant to be. When he stepped out of the car in cowboy boots, i thought, what a diverse couple we will make!
It's not that the whole date was bad. It's just that almost all of it was. When i tried to save it by bringing up our matzoh plight to come, he laughed and told me that he liked his matzoh straight up: with a slice of ham and a thick coat of mayo. For those of you who don't see the problem with this, it's ok, i'm sure you're good at other things.
But like the good open-minded single gal that i was, i learned a lesson:
just because you both say you're jewish, doesn't mean you both actually are. Ham on matzoh?! You might as well wear a cross around your neck, which is, by the way, a lovely accessory that i do not oppose in any way unless of course, you claim to be a jew. Ok, also, another lesson, you have to have more in common that just being two of God's chosen people. It's a start, but it's not everything.
And a note to the blond matchmaker, if you had a full head of brown hair, maybe even red, i would hold you accountable, however, due to the lot you were dealt, i harbor no hard feelings and would be happy to have you at my next passover seder table.