Yesterday, as i walked by Equinox on my way to whole foods to get some sushi, a girl shoved a coupon in my path and shouted enthusiastically: "GET STARTED ON YOUR SUMMER BODY!" i pushed the coupon back towards her: "No thank you, this is the body i use year round."
Living in NYC (and getting paid peanuts), you don't really get to the beach or pool much. Your only chance of being seen in a bathing suit is on that rare occasion when you decide it's a terrific idea to lounge around half naked on the grass in a public city park, sip warm ice coffee and dehydrate yourself to the point that you can barely walk the couple blocks back to your apartment. When you do make the brilliant decision to sun yourself in central park along with the other 200 sweaty geniuses, it's good to have a little extra meat on your bones. It also helps to have a nice thin layer of hair covering your entire body; the goal is to appear as undesirable as possible unless you want the many, many onlookers ogling you (see blog entitled "puppies").
Aside from not alternating bodies season to season, i also have little desire to work out at this specific Equinox after having heard about what goes on in the bathrooms over at that whore house. Dirty, dirty things; things that Central Park onlookers think about doing if you allowed yourself to get a "summer body."
My advice: when sunbathing in NYC, model yourself after an egg-white omelet: round and pasty. Do not imitate a piece of bacon: dark and greasy with with all the fat trimmed off. That's asking for trouble.
No comments:
Post a Comment